What Up, Vienna? when a girl and a guy from los angeles move their asses halfway across the world

don’t fondle the bread

I have learned some very important lessons in my first week here in Vienna. For example, bring your own bag to the grocery store or you will have to buy one of theirs. When you are on the subway or the bus, don't just stand there to wait for the doors to open because you will be standing there for a long time (press the button, dummy). And the most important lesson of them all, when you are served a basket of rolls at a restaurant before dinner, resist the temptation to touch each one. Don't squeeze them to see which is the softest. Don't pick up the only wheat roll to wonder why the white to wheat ratio is so disproportionate. Don't take all the rolls out of the basket, give them names and then act out a little play. Because at the end of the meal, the waiter will pick up the basket and count how many rolls you ate whilst also asking you how many rolls you ate. He doesn't ask you how many you touched. He doesn't ask you how many you smelled. He certainly doesn't ask you how many you actually put almost in your mouth and then balked at the last minute. It's an awkward situation. So I just answer the question asked and then remind myself to remember to not touch the damn rolls the next time. What I should be wondering though is... Who has been fondling my rolls? I can imagine living with this rule your whole life and still not being able to resist the temptation to touch every roll. There is no security! They should make it like the minibar in a hotel room. You move the roll, you just bought it. It's like the stone age here with their roll honor system. Next time I go to a restaurant and they bring out the rolls, I just want to throw down a 20 Euro bill, turn over the basket onto the table and hit each one like whack-a-mole. Maybe that will get it out of my system.

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1. when in doubt, just say mozart lived there
2. vienna is auf dem tisch
3. sturm, entschuldigung and clowns…oh, my!

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