What Up, Vienna? when a girl and a guy from los angeles move their asses halfway across the world

when in doubt, just say mozart lived there

First, I just want to say a little something about living your life in another country amongst another language. Living in Vienna seems much like how it would be if you were recovering from a massive stroke. Stay with me, here. You're trapped inside your head. You want to tell the waiter that you would like tap water. You want to tell the woman she just dropped something on the sidewalk. You want to tell a hilarious joke whose punchline hinges on impeccable comic timing. You can't. You can stammer some words you know that seem related. You can make sounds and gestures. You can't say what you want though. You never get your tap water. The woman is afraid of you and runs away. And your attempt at a joke with the 20 German words you know fails miserably and probably insulted its recipient. When I started this paragraph, I really thought that I had this stroke metaphor worked out. It kind of got away from me. I still think it holds. Don't you agree? One blink for yes, two for no.

So what this post is really about is my historical city walk on Tuesday with the OLP (Old Lady Posse). Here is a photo of our guide in front of the historic Stephansdom. Let me just say something about this lady. She had the fanciest accent I have ever heard. I have no idea how old she is or how much money she makes or if that is her real hair color. I just know that she works it. I would let her tour guide me around a Burger King bathroom. Oh, that sounded dirtier than I meant it to. Okay, I meant it to sound dirty. The thing is it might sound a tad dirty to some and really funny and dirty to Sharon. Ya heard, Sharon?

So the Stephansdom is probably one of the most famous places in Vienna. And I could probably tell you what I remember about it but I think it's best if you consult your bff wiki. I really did learn a lot of things from my walk. However, I have to be honest, later that evening, when I went to caption all the photos I took, I barely remembered anything. I just remembered things are really old (really, really, REALLY OLD). And if something looks like an apartment, Mozart probably lived there. I think that's a good rule to follow when sightseeing in Vienna. Here's a few more pictures to illustrate this point....