What Up, Vienna? when a girl and a guy from los angeles move their asses halfway across the world

my bonn thanksgiving (better belated than never)

by michelle

Alex and I went on our separate ways for Thanksgiving. He went stateside Boston and I...chose to not have jetlag. More specifically, I went to Bonn, Germany. Now, this is my second foray into Germanland. The first being into aforeposted Stuttgart. And I will mention now that Stuttgart is really not that far of a stretch from Vienna in that the language is spoken very similarly from the hi/byes to the words that are used for things to the way words are generally pronounced. Let's just say, it was very comfortable. On the other hand, Bonn was like a whole other country! They do not even say "Grüß got". It was jarring. The only things I could flaunt about my German learnings over the last few months were random words that I knew without their surrounding sentences. It still seemed to impress though. And that was before I went to German school even. It was a good foundation probably. Now when I go back there, I can shove my learned German conversating in their German faces. I actually wanted to use the German word for faces there but I looked it up and it was Gesichter and that just doesn't sound right to me so I'm not going to use it because I don't want to be made fun of for using the wrong word. It probably really means like pet monkey or something. And that's not what I want to say!

Okay, anyhow, so in Bonn, I have two friends both from college waybackwhen. We have Trinity (Trin) who I have known since, I think, my freshman year of college. And we have Robert (Tall German Robert) who we both met our senior yearish when he was doing a year abroad at our school. And then badabing badaboom, fast-forward umpteen years and wedding bells are a'ringing. Well, they got married secretly by an Elvis impersonator in Vegas so I'm not sure if there were literally wedding bells but you get the idea.

Anyhow, also in town for the week were Trin's parents Ann and Paul from Green Bay, Wisconsin. And then we have Zach who I think I met my sophomore year through Trin. And to bring it all together, Zach was the one who eventually introduced both of us to Robert a few years later. Also of note, Zach is doing the expatriate thing too as he is currently residing in Paris. (Bonjour, Zach!) Also in attendance were Trin's friend Fabiola from Spain and Trin's sister Paula from Madison. And the German contingent joining us for Thanksgiving dinner were Robert's parents, brother and brother's girlfriend.

A few weeks before the celebrated event, Trin sent out detailed itineraries for the trip. Our week on paper appeared to be jampacked. And it was. I got in on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. We actually weren't having the holiday's dinner until Saturday because for some reason, Germans don't get Thanksgiving and the following Friday off! Go figure. So in order to incorporate Robert's family into the funfest, we took one for the team and moved Thanksgiving to the weekend. It felt pretty good moving a holiday to another day. All-powerful kindalike. I might just move some other holidays too. First order of business, Halloween gets moved to February because I'm sick of sharing my birthday week with that scary thunder-stealing holiday. April Fools Day just goes away completely because I don't like surprises. And St. Patrick's day can stay where it is but that stupid rule where people get to pinch you if you're not wearing green is skedaddled. I think that's enough for now. Please make the necessary notes on your calendars as this is effective immediately.

The next day, Tall German Robert and I went to Köln (Cologne) to pick up Zachary from the train station. Let me mention now that Trin requested that we perhaps bring some cheese from our respective cities for the Friday night tapas-style dinner. I opted not to because I feel that Viennese cheese seems to have a high stink factor and I ain't bringing that on no plane. Zach, however, gets off his train smelling like the inside of a shoe. There was really no question that Zach brought some cheese. He certainly did. It really wouldn't have been so bad if the smell emanating from his self was identifiable as a cheese odor. It was just identifiable as "that guy needs some kind of serious shower". We ditched that backpack on some poor unsuspecting soul in charge of the lockers at the train station. Sorry for ruining your nose holes for the day, buddy!

Christmas markets are all the rage here in Europe. I've been to a million in Vienna. And I went to a million on this trip. I have to say though that the market in Bonn ranked up there with the best. And it's not because they had superior Glühwein or Punsch. It's not because I found the most impressive wares. It's because they had the drunken, singing animatronic reindeer heads. I have provided you a picture below but you can check out the video section to see them in live action!

The Thanksgiving dinner was spectacular. I was, unfortunately, nursing a foot injury incurred in the traditional Pre-Thanksgiving Hartman Football Extravaganza. Apparently the most stayed part of that tradition is that you play until somebody gets hurt. So we played until Paul Hartman (yes, Trinity's FATHER) kicked me as hard he could in my foot. I'm leaving out some details here that would lay less blame on his actions but this is my blog and I shall create the visual pictures that I choose. So, anyhow, I should thank him because it afforded me the excuse to lay on the couch gathering sympathy with a bag of ice on my big toe and a bag of Brach's candy corn attached to my mouth. I recovered enough after an hour or so of that and then I participated in an hour or so of turkey and turkey accoutrement eating and then an hour of so recovering from that only to eat pie for another hour or so. I felt that I had to really show the Germans in attendance how we do Thanksgiving which is to eat until it hurts to move.

And I even managed to last the whole dinner without getting into any trouble. After dinner, Paula and I did conspire to stick a cigarette in the paper turkey centerpiece's mouth. It took Ann Hartman (Trin and Paula's Mom) a while to notice and when she did, I wasn't even the first one she blamed! I love meeting new mothers and recreating myself in a whole new less mischievous light. Even when she found out that I was the one who actually did it, Paula got into more trouble because it was her brain's idea. Sorry, Paula, if I can't be the good daughter in my family. I'm going to be the good daughter in everybody else's.

The last day we were in town, Tall German Robert and Trin took us to Arweiler to visit the Regierungsbunker. This is a Cold War era bunker that was built to house three thousand German government officials were there to be some sort of nuclear fallout or other disaster with the idea that they could continue to run the country from the underground. However, the facilities were only built to sustain the three thousand people for 30 days. After that, I guess, the chosen ones are free to return to their homes and care for their radioactive sore-covered friends and family. What a great, well-thought-out plan! Anyhow, the bunker was pretty fascinating. They actually only had the first section of the full 17km open. Apparently, the rest is dismantled and/or flooded. Or so they say (scary music plays this sentence off). Sorry I don't have any pictures to display but it cost an extra 2 Euro 50 to bring in a camera and I was feeling cheap. Let me just say that the rooms were one Benjamin Linus shy of being straight outta Lost.

After the tour, we went in to the village of Ahrweiler to get some lunch and to peruse yet another Christmas market. It was there that I was accosted by the creepy Santa Claus. I will leave you with a picture documenting this moment.

P.S. To the jerks who lifted Zachary's thousands of dollars worth of camera and equipment while he was sleeping on the train, screw you and your morally devoid jackass selves. You will get your comeuppance!