Crying | What Up, Vienna?

13Nov/094

i know all there is to know about the crying game

Alex and I had separate flights from Vienna to Hawaii. Mine was through DC. And that is where this story takes place. I arrived in my nation's capitol about 4pm. I had about an hour and a half to connect and it takes bloody forever to go through customs. You have to wait there in line with a million people in the same predicament as you. And there was this jackass of a guy who was trying to cut past everybody because he has a plane to catch. Really, a plane? Guess what? We ALL have a plane to catch, a-hole. I actually said that to him minus the a-hole part.

I finally got to my gate with a few minutes to spare. And....the flight was overbooked. (Thanks United!) So I just had to wait there for my name to be called. Tick tock. Tick tock. Finally, she sighed and said, I hate to do this. And then she said two names...one not my name and one MY NAME. Hallelujah. Let's roll. (Okay, maybe that's not the right thing to say when talking about an impending plane ride) So I get on the plane where I have been instructed to find an open seat. I spy one right away but the other girl was right there and her name was called first and I am nice so I did something that was going to become very regrettable... I offered her the seat. I did that assuming the other purported open seat was just going to be a few rows back...so I kept walking... and walking... until I found myself at the end of the plane part. Shit, no more seats. Dammit! Why was I so nice to that girl I didn't know? She was probably a jerkface too. Maybe I could just go unnoticed and let this plane take off with me standing here and I could do a choreographed dance between the aisles and the lavatories for the next five hours? I didn't get a chance. I got spotted. I wish I had worn my "inconspicuous part of the interior of an airplane" camouflage. Exit, stage left. Sigh. Cue plane take off. Now show me some despair. Oh, DESPAIRRRRR.

I was so very tired. And so very screwed. It was too late to get on any flights after that one. Alex was on his way to Los Angeles where he was expecting to meet me at my gate when we were then supposed to go to meet the good Jim Hamilton at baggage claim. I had no American cell phone. I had no American money. So I had to go exchange my 10 odd euros for cash and then use that cash to get change from a bartender. Then, I had to travel in a time machine back to 1998 and use a payphone. Oh, the humanity. And I'm jetlagged to the point of feeling drugged. Well, I guess, technically, I was jetlagged AND drugged. It's a PRESCRIPTION!

So then I had to go wait in line. It seems really unfair that they overbook your flight, they screw your plans and then they make you wait in an unreasonably long line. (Thanks United!) Not to mention an unreasonable long line with pissed-off, crazy people. Everybody wants you to join their Team Angry Consumer. I just wanted out of there. It took probably an hour and a half of line waiting before I got my turn. At this point, I was kind of glad to be getting a hotel and some cash. It was late and I had enough jetlag to work through already without adding on another three-hour time difference. There was another flight at 8am in the morning which would put me in Los Angeles 11amish which wasn't going to be so terrible. However, as the man helping me was ringing it up, he realized that that morning flight was sold out too and he wasn't going to have a specific seat available for me. He said that I was first on the list though and it shouldn't be a problem. (DANGER DANGER DANGER) I was too tired to protest though. (No, Michelle. Protest! You should protest!) Sure, fine, whatever. Where's the bed?

I got back to the airport the next morning with plenty of time to spare. I wanted to be the first person at the gate. The rep finally showed up about an hour after I got there and she barely looked up when she told me that the flight was overbooked (Thanks United!) and she couldn't promise that I would get a seat and THAT SHE WOULD CALL MY NAME WHEN SHE DID. She had to say that over and over to people. I didn't want to make her madder so I just sat nearby and waited patiently and hoped hoped hoped things were not going to turn into a shitstorm. Then, I heard her say to somebody that the next available flight after this one didn't leave until like 8pm. SHITSTORM! I started to panic. And I realized that drastic measures needed to be taken. There was only one choice. I had only one option. I went up to that counter and focused on the new less-angry-seeming lady that was now there... and I started, "I know that you have said this over and over and that you'll call my name when you can give me a seat but I just had to say something because I just have to get on that plane. I can't stay here in D.C. all day. I don't know anybody here. (Voice crack) I don't have a cell phone. I don't have any money. (Tears) I've been living in Vienna and my boyfriend is supposed to meet me in Los Angeles and we're going to Hawaii tomorrow and I can't stay here (Full-on crying with an audience)." I looked at her face and I saw that I broke her. She looked back at me with Mom eyes. Mission accomplished. She said to just be patient and listen for my name. I wasn't embarrassed that I cried in public. I wasn't embarrassed because all those people waiting for their names to be called were just jealous that they didn't do it first. And they couldn't do it now. That would be so transparent. Five minutes later, mine was the first name called. And when I went up to get my boarding pass, the first meaner gate lady held on to it, looked at me with these super "tsk, tsk" eyes and said, "Next time... don't cry."

Sorry, mean lady. It worked too good. My only regret is I didn't cry the night before.

Tagged as: airport, crying, douchebag, hotel, pitfalls, travel, xanax 4 Comments

13Aug/090

i almost started crying at the dmv on tuesday

That subject is no lie.

If you have faithfully read the blog up to this point, you know that I have been having some issues securing my title from the great state of California. Things were looking up this weekend when the postman brought me my lien release on Saturday. So Tuesday, I went down to the DMV office, waited my turn and with some sort of retarded optimism handed the lady my filled-out form, lien release and driver's license. This is my third or fifth time talking to the DMV regarding this issue by the way. So she looks at my paperwork, types something on her computer, then starts slowly shaking her head. That can't be bad, right? She probably just has like some sort of shaking-her-head tick. Then, she turns to me and says, you need a title.

Me: "But I don't have a title. It's a paperless title! I came here and they said all I needed was this lien release and I could have a title."

She saw my desperation, turned back to her computer, pretended to do something and then turned back to me basically repeating what she just said to me. Two can play at this game. I basically repeated what I said the first time back to her but threw in a little more whine and youmusthelpme. Then she calls over her supervisor. They talk for a few minutes and then the supervisor says, "Blah, blah blah, I'm sorry, we can't help you." And that was it. My optimism was gone, retarded or not. As I opened my mouth to protest, I couldn't stop the beginnings of a full-on public sobfest. I went for it anyways, I repeated my case, added in the fact that I was moving to Europe and I needed to sign..my...car..over to my mother, cracking voice, cracking voice, fighting back tears and almost wailing. No dice. These ladies must have seen this a million times. The look that they were giving me was a united front of we'resorry, wecan'thelpyou, and wereallyhopeyoudon'tembarrassyourselfbycryinginpublic. So that was enough. I grabbed my forms, said thank you and walked out avoiding eye contact. When I made it to my car a half-block away, I did what any mature 32 year old person would do, I called my mother and burst into tears.

BUT there's a happy ending to this story. And it involves the superhero only second to President Bill Clinton...the great state of Texas. See, Mazda from the getgo implied to me that my title was to be procured from California. Seemed logical to me. I am insured, registered and licensed in this state. However, I purchased this car in Texas in 2002, Mazda held onto the title because they were the lienholder, but then I paid it off in 2007 living in California wherein I now had the rights to that title. It was paperless though so I never received anything in the mail. It was just mine when I decided to go through the necessary bureaucratic treasure hunt to find it. So Wednesday morning, I called the TX DOT (not DMV, they do things different y'all) got some lady on the phone in like 30 seconds, she gets my VIN, tells me she has my title and then I CAN JUST SEND HER AN EASY FORM, THE LIEN RELEASE AND A CHECK FOR TWO MOTHERFUCKING DOLLARS AND I GET MY TITLE!!!! The kicker... they purportedly send it in five days. California promised it in two to four weeks and god knows what they were gonna charge me.

What I don't understand is why the first time I talked to the DMV, they didn't say, hey, we don't have your title at all. It is not here. Don't fill out our forms or make appointments in our offices, take off work and wait in line. You should find this title somewhere else, in another state, maybe the state you bought the car in. We know this because we deal with this every day from people all over our huge state. Your situation is completely not unique. And we don't want to give you the runaround. We're not here to waste your time and take your money and then waste some more of your time. Now, here take this warm chocolate chip cookie and you have a good day.

This won't happen . Whatever. I can live. Constant frustration and disappointment builds character. Or at least that's what I repeat to myself 50 times every morning in the mirror. Stay tuned to see what happens. And, if you don't mind, cross your fingers for me.

Tagged as: car title, crying, customer service, dmv, douchebag, lien release, to-do list No Comments