Douchebag | What Up, Vienna?

19Sep/090

breaking health news (and a few other things)

My doctor called me. I have good news and bad news. Good news is my cholesterol went down a whopping 60 points with absolutely no effort on my part. It was getting close to the high side when I saw him last and this has sent me back into normalsville. High fives all around. Now for the bad news. Are you sitting down? Apparently... I seem to be vitamin D deficient. You're probably asking yourself or the internet... What does that mean? I will answer that question for you.. Nothing to really write home about. Unless you feel like oldschooling it up and writing a nice letter back home.

"Dear Home,

Michelle Biloon seems to be Vitamin D deficient. I think she needs to drink more milk in the sun with no sunscreen on. And please remember to write her family a sympathy card when she dies of skin cancer.

Fondest regards,

Dr. Idiot"

So I am not opting for that drinking milk / hanging out in the sun combo. My doctor has advised me to take 8000 iu of Vitamin D drops every day. That is four times the amount recommended on the bottle! And, no, it doesn't get you high. Then again, I was just dropping it into Kool-Aid. Maybe I should try some gin.

And in other news, I feel compelled to report that I had my last day at work a week early. It was not by my choice. I won't go into details but let's just say that my boss and I never really got along. I think we differed on the grounds that I am a very talented, worthwhile, professional human being and he is a douchebag. I really can think of no other reason why you would terminate somebody's contract a week before their last day when they originally gave three months notice so you would have enough time to prepare for the eventual departure. Oh, well. It actually worked out for the better because as it turns out, I seemed to have a lot of errands to run. I should have always had had an extra week of not working before I left. I don't know what I was thinking. I would not have been able to finish all my to-dos what with next week's goodbye show having, Judge Judy taping going to and Disneyland rabblerousin'.

So here I am now at my parents' place in Sun City, AZ. I will be leaving on a plane on Monday leaving my car behind. My stepfather has already made mention of taking the stickers off my bumper. I thought about it and offered, "Well, you can give me $20 for every sticker you take off." Success! I think my stickers will be safe.

So I have more week left. One week from now, I will be on a plane to Austria. It hurts my brain to think about it. I might as well be moving to Mars. Even though Alex is there and tells me about what he sees and does every day, it still seems so surreal for me to be there. It's like finding out what happens after you die. I can't imagine it but I know I'm going to know one day what it is. And next week is that day everybody. The finding out about living in Vienna part, not finding out what happens after you die. Damn! I just jinxed myself. Great, I'm going to have to take four Xanax now just to make it through this flight.

Stay tuned for upcoming huge news from Alex. I won't spoil it.

Tagged as: airplane, car, cholesterol, disneyland, doctor, douchebag, fired, judge judy, parents, to-do list, vitamin d, work, xanax No Comments

13Aug/090

i almost started crying at the dmv on tuesday

That subject is no lie.

If you have faithfully read the blog up to this point, you know that I have been having some issues securing my title from the great state of California. Things were looking up this weekend when the postman brought me my lien release on Saturday. So Tuesday, I went down to the DMV office, waited my turn and with some sort of retarded optimism handed the lady my filled-out form, lien release and driver's license. This is my third or fifth time talking to the DMV regarding this issue by the way. So she looks at my paperwork, types something on her computer, then starts slowly shaking her head. That can't be bad, right? She probably just has like some sort of shaking-her-head tick. Then, she turns to me and says, you need a title.

Me: "But I don't have a title. It's a paperless title! I came here and they said all I needed was this lien release and I could have a title."

She saw my desperation, turned back to her computer, pretended to do something and then turned back to me basically repeating what she just said to me. Two can play at this game. I basically repeated what I said the first time back to her but threw in a little more whine and youmusthelpme. Then she calls over her supervisor. They talk for a few minutes and then the supervisor says, "Blah, blah blah, I'm sorry, we can't help you." And that was it. My optimism was gone, retarded or not. As I opened my mouth to protest, I couldn't stop the beginnings of a full-on public sobfest. I went for it anyways, I repeated my case, added in the fact that I was moving to Europe and I needed to sign..my...car..over to my mother, cracking voice, cracking voice, fighting back tears and almost wailing. No dice. These ladies must have seen this a million times. The look that they were giving me was a united front of we'resorry, wecan'thelpyou, and wereallyhopeyoudon'tembarrassyourselfbycryinginpublic. So that was enough. I grabbed my forms, said thank you and walked out avoiding eye contact. When I made it to my car a half-block away, I did what any mature 32 year old person would do, I called my mother and burst into tears.

BUT there's a happy ending to this story. And it involves the superhero only second to President Bill Clinton...the great state of Texas. See, Mazda from the getgo implied to me that my title was to be procured from California. Seemed logical to me. I am insured, registered and licensed in this state. However, I purchased this car in Texas in 2002, Mazda held onto the title because they were the lienholder, but then I paid it off in 2007 living in California wherein I now had the rights to that title. It was paperless though so I never received anything in the mail. It was just mine when I decided to go through the necessary bureaucratic treasure hunt to find it. So Wednesday morning, I called the TX DOT (not DMV, they do things different y'all) got some lady on the phone in like 30 seconds, she gets my VIN, tells me she has my title and then I CAN JUST SEND HER AN EASY FORM, THE LIEN RELEASE AND A CHECK FOR TWO MOTHERFUCKING DOLLARS AND I GET MY TITLE!!!! The kicker... they purportedly send it in five days. California promised it in two to four weeks and god knows what they were gonna charge me.

What I don't understand is why the first time I talked to the DMV, they didn't say, hey, we don't have your title at all. It is not here. Don't fill out our forms or make appointments in our offices, take off work and wait in line. You should find this title somewhere else, in another state, maybe the state you bought the car in. We know this because we deal with this every day from people all over our huge state. Your situation is completely not unique. And we don't want to give you the runaround. We're not here to waste your time and take your money and then waste some more of your time. Now, here take this warm chocolate chip cookie and you have a good day.

This won't happen . Whatever. I can live. Constant frustration and disappointment builds character. Or at least that's what I repeat to myself 50 times every morning in the mirror. Stay tuned to see what happens. And, if you don't mind, cross your fingers for me.

Tagged as: car title, crying, customer service, dmv, douchebag, lien release, to-do list No Comments

23Jul/090

oh, mazda american credit, why do you make things so difficult?

If you love boring stories, keep reading...

I had to go to the DMV today to get my title. Rewind a little, I bought my car in Texas in 2002 and paid it off through the aforementioned Mazda American Credit in 2007. The State of Texas ascribes to paperless titles. This means I don't get my title outright. When I pay my car off, they supposedly send some sort of documentation to my state's DMV saying I have paid the car off and I can have my title back. I don't remember having received a paper version of this as I think they tried to send it electronically to the DMV. Come two years later, when I actually need it, I find out that the DMV does not accept electronic documents. I, of course, have to make an appointment with the DMV, wait in line at the DMV, talk to the lady at the DMV before I find this out.

So I called Mazda to alert them that the ball was now in their court and I was summarily told that the State of California is an electronic-only state and that they don't accept paper documents. And as nicely as I could, I told her that I had just spoken to her doppelganger at the CA DMV who said the exact opposite. After a few minutes of this fun back-and-forth, she went off and did some "research" only to come back about 30 seconds later to tell me that yes for the low low price of $17, I could get the document I need so I can bring it to the DMV so I can get my title so I can bring that to Arizona and then give my car to my Mother so she can register for it there and pay insurance on it while I am off in a faraway land. So supposedly they are sending this document off in 48 hours and then I will get to go back to the DMV next week to present them with it so they can send off for my title which should take about four weeks. And this should all be neatly wrapped up about three days before I drive my car to Arizona to hand my Mother the keys. My fingers are crossed.

And until then... this is still on my to-do list.

Boo.

Tagged as: car title, customer service, dmv, douchebag, lien release, pitfalls, to-do list No Comments

« Newer Entries