take your prague and shove itby michelle
First off, let me just say that we didn't really think things through when we planned the trip to Prague. We already had this five day trip to Venice planned. While we were in Venice, our friends C.J. and Mather were going to be in Vienna and we were going to completely miss them. So we thought, why not meet them in Prague at the end of their trip? We haven't been to Prague. We've heard great things about Prague. Let's do this. This gave us about a three day break between trips. Those three days included Christmas Eve and Christmas. I might also note that we had a terrible sleeper train ride back from Venice which pretty much rendered Christmas Eve a wash as I slept through most of the day. At some point, I might write a sidepost about this, but for right now, suffice it to say, I slept nary a wink on that train trip due to an unfortunate and unexpected downgrade in service.
So after the wasted Christmas Eve, the decent Christmas Day and maybe a day or two of recuperating in between, we headed off to Prague in the Czech Republic. The train to Prague is about three hours. Here are a couple things about Prague that are good to know. They don't use Euros. And they don't speak a language you can even hope to decipher. Well, maybe I am stereotyping you, but if you are anything like me (and that's decently awesome), then good luck with reading or eavesdropping Czech. When the young train ticket-taker came by, we asked him to teach us a few key words. I don't think I mentioned this before, but in my opinion the number one most important word to learn in any language is the word for "Excuse me/Sorry." In German, it is "Entschuldigung." In Italian, it is "Scusi." In French, it is "Pardon." And in Czech, as we learned, it is "Promiňte." Closely following that in importance are the words for "Thank you," "Please" and it's always nice to learn your "Hi's and Bye's." I can't remember those words. And in full disclosure, I had to look up "Promiňte" just to make sure I had the spelling right. Even fuller disclosure: I did not.
The train trip was uneventful. When we arrived to Prague, we managed to navigate to our hotels via public transportation relatively easily. Also, in a stroke of lucky coincidence, using Hotwire we managed to get booked at the same hotel that CJ and Mather were at. For those unawares, Hotwire is a travel site where you can search hotels (among other things) via location, star ratings, amenties, price, etc but you can't find out the name of the hotel until you actually make your purchase. I love it. And you usually get pretty good deals. They are not paying me, I swear. (But if you read this Hotwire, why don't you throw some more hotdollars my way.) Anyhow, our hotel was right on the river. And for whatever reason, we got a room upgrade. It was a round bed, mirror on the ceiling and white tiger short of being the master bedroom of a Czech drug kingpin pimp. We were ballin'.
Are you jealous of my frosted closet mirrors?
Later that night we ventured out with CJ and Mather into the city center. We went to supposedly one of the oldest pubs in Prague. You sit down, they come over with a tray full of Jagery type of shots and you take a few, then they come over with a tray full of beer and you take a few, then the shots again, then the beer, and so on and so on. It's like a Brazilian churrascaria but replace the meat swords with alcohol. I took a gander at the all-too-familiar menu and it was kind of the beginning of the end for me then. At that point, I came to my breaking point with the food of the Austro-Hungarian Empire. No offense, Hapsburg! Fighting the urge to storm out, I played it safe and ordered sausage and kartoffelpuffen. Alex thought he was playing it safe but he ended up with something that looked like a beef sundae.
Alex ordered this puzzling dish.
After dinner, as we were walking around the city, I was just exhausted. Prague really looks a lot like Vienna. The architecture is very similar with the differences being the tops of the buildings. And as aforementioned the food is the same Grandma's food I had been eating for three months. There were just more people. More tourists. It was basically just a dirtier version of Vienna. And I'd rather just be in Vienna. That was when I went on vacation strike.
The next day, CJ and Mather wanted to take the train to go see a bone church two hours outside of Prague. I woke up, opened one eye to look at Alex and said nope, then I turned over and went back to sleep. They were gone for the whole day. And I could care less. I lived it up! I used the free internet in the lobby! I had a decent Ceaser salad in the hotel restaurant! I took a bath! On a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is gazing upon plague-infested bones and 10 is ballin' Czech drug kingpin style, my day ended up being a strong 9.5.
Alex contemplating becoming a serial killer. Look at the art he could make!
We left the next day. It was a short trip. Perhaps Prague really didn't get a fair shake. Or perhaps Prague didn't step it up enough. I don't know. I would like to blame the circumstances leading up to this trip for my poor impression. And I'd like to give Prague a second chance, but I don't know if that will happen. We might be forever starcrossed. And if you're some Prague person reading this, cut me some slack. You're telling me that you never went to the U.S. or something on a crosscountry tour and after seeing Minneapolis, Milwaukee and Chicago, you just weren't having Des Moines? And if you're some Des Moines person reading this... I don't know what to tell you, I can't imagine your city being anything other then a snoozefest. Good job on the gay marriage thing though! I don't know how to end this paragraph. I'll just end it right here.
my bonn thanksgiving (better belated than never)by michelle
Alex and I went on our separate ways for Thanksgiving. He went stateside Boston and I...chose to not have jetlag. More specifically, I went to Bonn, Germany. Now, this is my second foray into Germanland. The first being into aforeposted Stuttgart. And I will mention now that Stuttgart is really not that far of a stretch from Vienna in that the language is spoken very similarly from the hi/byes to the words that are used for things to the way words are generally pronounced. Let's just say, it was very comfortable. On the other hand, Bonn was like a whole other country! They do not even say "Grüß got". It was jarring. The only things I could flaunt about my German learnings over the last few months were random words that I knew without their surrounding sentences. It still seemed to impress though. And that was before I went to German school even. It was a good foundation probably. Now when I go back there, I can shove my learned German conversating in their German faces. I actually wanted to use the German word for faces there but I looked it up and it was Gesichter and that just doesn't sound right to me so I'm not going to use it because I don't want to be made fun of for using the wrong word. It probably really means like pet monkey or something. And that's not what I want to say!
Okay, anyhow, so in Bonn, I have two friends both from college waybackwhen. We have Trinity (Trin) who I have known since, I think, my freshman year of college. And we have Robert (Tall German Robert) who we both met our senior yearish when he was doing a year abroad at our school. And then badabing badaboom, fast-forward umpteen years and wedding bells are a'ringing. Well, they got married secretly by an Elvis impersonator in Vegas so I'm not sure if there were literally wedding bells but you get the idea.
Anyhow, also in town for the week were Trin's parents Ann and Paul from Green Bay, Wisconsin. And then we have Zach who I think I met my sophomore year through Trin. And to bring it all together, Zach was the one who eventually introduced both of us to Robert a few years later. Also of note, Zach is doing the expatriate thing too as he is currently residing in Paris. (Bonjour, Zach!) Also in attendance were Trin's friend Fabiola from Spain and Trin's sister Paula from Madison. And the German contingent joining us for Thanksgiving dinner were Robert's parents, brother and brother's girlfriend.
A few weeks before the celebrated event, Trin sent out detailed itineraries for the trip. Our week on paper appeared to be jampacked. And it was. I got in on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. We actually weren't having the holiday's dinner until Saturday because for some reason, Germans don't get Thanksgiving and the following Friday off! Go figure. So in order to incorporate Robert's family into the funfest, we took one for the team and moved Thanksgiving to the weekend. It felt pretty good moving a holiday to another day. All-powerful kindalike. I might just move some other holidays too. First order of business, Halloween gets moved to February because I'm sick of sharing my birthday week with that scary thunder-stealing holiday. April Fools Day just goes away completely because I don't like surprises. And St. Patrick's day can stay where it is but that stupid rule where people get to pinch you if you're not wearing green is skedaddled. I think that's enough for now. Please make the necessary notes on your calendars as this is effective immediately.
The next day, Tall German Robert and I went to Köln (Cologne) to pick up Zachary from the train station. Let me mention now that Trin requested that we perhaps bring some cheese from our respective cities for the Friday night tapas-style dinner. I opted not to because I feel that Viennese cheese seems to have a high stink factor and I ain't bringing that on no plane. Zach, however, gets off his train smelling like the inside of a shoe. There was really no question that Zach brought some cheese. He certainly did. It really wouldn't have been so bad if the smell emanating from his self was identifiable as a cheese odor. It was just identifiable as "that guy needs some kind of serious shower". We ditched that backpack on some poor unsuspecting soul in charge of the lockers at the train station. Sorry for ruining your nose holes for the day, buddy!
Christmas markets are all the rage here in Europe. I've been to a million in Vienna. And I went to a million on this trip. I have to say though that the market in Bonn ranked up there with the best. And it's not because they had superior Glühwein or Punsch. It's not because I found the most impressive wares. It's because they had the drunken, singing animatronic reindeer heads. I have provided you a picture below but you can check out the video section to see them in live action!
Paula is scared of the crazy reindeer heads.
The Thanksgiving dinner was spectacular. I was, unfortunately, nursing a foot injury incurred in the traditional Pre-Thanksgiving Hartman Football Extravaganza. Apparently the most stayed part of that tradition is that you play until somebody gets hurt. So we played until Paul Hartman (yes, Trinity's FATHER) kicked me as hard he could in my foot. I'm leaving out some details here that would lay less blame on his actions but this is my blog and I shall create the visual pictures that I choose. So, anyhow, I should thank him because it afforded me the excuse to lay on the couch gathering sympathy with a bag of ice on my big toe and a bag of Brach's candy corn attached to my mouth. I recovered enough after an hour or so of that and then I participated in an hour or so of turkey and turkey accoutrement eating and then an hour of so recovering from that only to eat pie for another hour or so. I felt that I had to really show the Germans in attendance how we do Thanksgiving which is to eat until it hurts to move.
From right to left: German, German, German, Sconnie.
And I even managed to last the whole dinner without getting into any trouble. After dinner, Paula and I did conspire to stick a cigarette in the paper turkey centerpiece's mouth. It took Ann Hartman (Trin and Paula's Mom) a while to notice and when she did, I wasn't even the first one she blamed! I love meeting new mothers and recreating myself in a whole new less mischievous light. Even when she found out that I was the one who actually did it, Paula got into more trouble because it was her brain's idea. Sorry, Paula, if I can't be the good daughter in my family. I'm going to be the good daughter in everybody else's.
The last day we were in town, Tall German Robert and Trin took us to Arweiler to visit the Regierungsbunker. This is a Cold War era bunker that was built to house three thousand German government officials were there to be some sort of nuclear fallout or other disaster with the idea that they could continue to run the country from the underground. However, the facilities were only built to sustain the three thousand people for 30 days. After that, I guess, the chosen ones are free to return to their homes and care for their radioactive sore-covered friends and family. What a great, well-thought-out plan! Anyhow, the bunker was pretty fascinating. They actually only had the first section of the full 17km open. Apparently, the rest is dismantled and/or flooded. Or so they say (scary music plays this sentence off). Sorry I don't have any pictures to display but it cost an extra 2 Euro 50 to bring in a camera and I was feeling cheap. Let me just say that the rooms were one Benjamin Linus shy of being straight outta Lost.
After the tour, we went in to the village of Ahrweiler to get some lunch and to peruse yet another Christmas market. It was there that I was accosted by the creepy Santa Claus. I will leave you with a picture documenting this moment.
The St. Nick of the Ahrweiler Weinachsmarkt. I gave him two euros so he could buy the little kids some cake. Seemed a bit suspect.
P.S. To the jerks who lifted Zachary's thousands of dollars worth of camera and equipment while he was sleeping on the train, screw you and your morally devoid jackass selves. You will get your comeuppance!
sturm, entschuldigung and clowns…oh, my!by michelle
Have we talked about Sturm here yet? I wasn't made aware of it's existence until my first night in Vienna. I refuse to consult Wikipedia right now because I'm in Hawaii and I'm lazy so I'm just going to tell you what I think I know about Sturm. It is a very young, yeasty wine that tastes very sweet. Apparently there is a season for Sturm and right now we are nearing the end of it. You got your rot (red) Sturm and your weiss (white) Sturm. I preferred the weiss...until I went to the circus and had the rot. I don't know how to articulate why I liked it better. Maybe it was the charm of the circumstances under which I had it. Perhaps it was because it was freezing outside and the high alcohol content provided me much-needed warmth. More likely, however, is that I think the rot is pretty. I am a connoisseur indeed.
Coming up for air while I'm trying to speed-drink my Sturm.
Speaking of the circus, over the past few weeks riding the D trolley to the 1st district, we kept going past a gaudy, kitschy, as-fake-looking-as-something-can-look circus. Naively, we finally stopped by one night thinking we could just stroll right in but turns out the Roncali Circus is one hot ticket. We ended up buying seats for the following Tuesday. And Tuesday couldn't come quickly enough. I just prepared for the craziest and hoped for the craziest. We got there early as requested, which was good because I needed my fix of rot Sturm.
The Roncali Circus in front of the Vienna City Hall. Or something like City Hall.
A line began to form waiting for the doors to open so we quickly joined up. Once the doors were open the line moved swiftly enough. We get to the front of the line approaching the ticket taker and out of nowhere this seemingly upper middle class looking lady with her two kids burst out of nowhere and try to cut in front of me. Instincts took over. My arm clotheslined out stopping her in her impolite tracks and I managed to retrieve the German word for "What the fuck do you think you're doing, jerkface" which is "Entschuldigung." The spelling may be off. I am impaired with the disease of one fine mojito. So I stopped the lady and Alex and I got past the ticket taker. I'm sure that lady was right behind us though. Alex approved of my aggressions and restated something he had brought up to me before which is that Austrians do not do lines. Now, that is fine. But why form one in the first place? If you don't do lines, just bumrush the show. Own it. Don't start a line and get me in a linemood and then try to cut. You're in a line, you can't cut. I don't care which hunk of land you're from. It just ain't how it's done. So I invite these Austrians, or perhaps it's the whole of the continent, to cut in front of me. My clothesline-ready arm is waiting for you.
Now, for your viewing pleasures, a photo and video essay on our trip to the German circus:
Inside the Roncali Circus big top.
I'm excited for the circus to start!
What do they do in German circuses? I'm hoping clownfights!
All in all, we had a great time. We only understood about five percent of what was said but the rest was Beatles songs, adorable ponies and clowns throwing plates so we found ourselves quite able to follow along. Speaking of which, the circus band was dressed up in Sgt. Pepper garb and played almost exclusively songs from the Fab Four. Hello, Cirque du Soleil? I hope there's not going to be an intercontinental circus rumble. Wait, what am I saying? Please God, I hope there is going to be an intercontinental circus rumble. Please, please, please. Could somebody start some prayer chains? Maybe pay a make-a-wish kid off to call this one in for me? Come on, everybody wins when there is an intercontinental circus rumble! You're picturing it in your heads right now, aren't you? Of course you are.
conversion chartby drplatt
I often get these backwards. I make no promises that they're correct here.
- To figure out how expensive something is, multiply by 1.5
- To figure out how heavy something is, add 10% and multiply by 2.
- To figure out how far something is, multiply by 2/3.
- To compare the price of poultry, meat and produce, multiply by 2/3.
- To figure out what time it is, subtract 6-9, and sometimes another 12.
- To figure out what date it is, be open to the possibility that it's yesterday.
- To set the temperature on the oven, divide by 2.
- To set the countdown timer on the oven, multiply by 5/6.
- To estimate how many eggs are left, subtract 2.
- To figure out how many beers you've had, multiply by 3.
- To figure out how many cookies you've eaten, it was probably all of them. Get some more.
--AP
me and my new old lady posseby michelle
Before I delve into the title's topic, I want to share with you another interesting Viennese factoid. When you order a beer here, the waiter/bartender/barista asks, "big or small?" or as the non-English speaking waiter at the pizza place we went to tonight asked, "grande oder piccolo?" I always say big (or grande) because I am not a chump.
Okay, back to the topic at hand. So before I got here in Vienna, I did some internet researching. I found this American Women's Association of Vienna. I saw that they produced some helpful literature on getting adjusted here as well as hosted cultural outings and such. So I thought that it might be a fun thing to join. Now, let me just point out, when I say "fun", I don't necessarily mean party party beer waterslide parks. When I say "fun", I mean kitschy good times coffee let's talk about how young I am. So I went to the get-together coffee last Wednesday morning. It was great. I met a bunch of fun old ladies, I had some coffee und a pastry and I got to talk in English for a couple of hours. And on Friday, I took the trolley into the city center and went to their offices, dues in hand. They are very glad to have me. While in the office, I was seemingly hoodwinked into joining the historical city walk tour that they needed another participant for so as not to be cancelled. I was not really hoodwinked. It was only seemingly that to the ladies. I didn't have anything to do so me committing last-minute to a historical city walk was more of a favor to me than it was to them. So tomorrow morning it's me and those ladies catting about town. A glass of Sturm at every landmark, perhaps? I'll bring the camera and see if I can catch some of the mayhem on wax.
the @whatupvienna twitter
the @biloon twitter
the photos
the weather
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Mostly Cloudy
30°F
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Fri
33/28
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Sat
41/24
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Sun
39/26
the comments
- MomBiloon on action photos
- sphobia on take your prague and shove it
- katy on take your prague and shove it
- AP on take your prague and shove it
- Stephanie on he liked it so he went and put a ring on it (among other things)
the most commented
the links
- american women's society of vienna
- bjarni & dorte machen wien
- deutschakademie
- english cinema in vienna
- english theatre in vienna
- germanwings
- livemocha
- official website of comedian michelle biloon
- the @drplatt twitter
- the daily flailure
- the gregor mendel institute
- vienna expats forum
the calendar
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